Self-care in Parenthood: Is it Even Possible?

Self-care can benefit our physical and mental health, ability to regulate our emotions and overall well-being which is a core focus of therapy in Calgary. We all know it is good for us; however, as busy parents, the difficulty lies incorporating it into our lives. I start my day by spending my morning waking up my three children, repeatedly reminding them to get ready for school, and then herding them out the door to catch the bus. I do a quick workout, get ready for work, and tackle the workday. Evenings are spent preparing supper, possibly chauffeuring a kid to an activity, helping with homework, and trying to give each one my attention. Then, they tell me about their day, and I tuck them into bed. Sleep, then repeat. Many parents are in a similar boat, so when someone tells us to engage in self-care, we wonder, “How am I supposed to fit it in?”. The Problem with Showers and Grocery Shopping as Self-Care When my kids were babies, the common professional advice to new parents was to engage in “self-care” by handing the baby off to your partner (or friend or relative) and taking a shower. Or go grocery shopping alone. While grocery shopping without a screaming toddler grabbing items off of the shelf, screaming “mine” is an exponentially better experience, there is an inherent problem with considering this activity as a form of self-care. Basic hygiene and family chores are important; however, self-care is something a person does for themselves without a responsibility or obligation. Small Things Often I used to think of self-care as the one-hour massage I went to every two months or the overnight meet-up with my best friend every three months. While those activities are good and I enjoyed them, they did not significantly impact my overall well-being. They were events that required planning, happening infrequently. When it comes to self-care, I like to think of a saying from the Gottman Institute: Small things often. This idea means finding 5-10 minutes several times throughout the day to engage in something that you find meaningful and enjoyable. So, What Am I Supposed to do for Self-Care Now That You Told me I Can’t Count my Shower? Self-care looks different for everyone. I sit each morning after the kids get off the bus, drinking a cup of coffee and scrolling mindlessly through my Instagram. In addition, I try to find 10-15 minutes each evening to sit in my comfy chair with my comfy blanket and hope that my cat decides to grace me with her presence by sitting on my chest and purring. What you do for self-care depends on what you like to do. It may be doing some kind of exercise (like yoga or going for a walk). It may also involve watching an episode (or part of an episode) of your favourite show, doing something creative or artistic, engaging in a hobby, journaling, or playing a musical instrument. What feels nurturing to each individual varies, and people will likely choose to engage in a variety of self-care acts throughout the day.